82 WILLIAM TODD SEABROOK Collective Nouns for Mammals: A Bestiary Boars, A Singular Of KINGDOM: Animalia PHYLUM: Chordata CLASS: Mammalia ORDER: Artiodactyla FAMILY: Suidae GENUS: Sus SPECIES: S. scrofa There is only one boar in the animal kingdom and it is the only boar that has ever existed. It is an ancient creature, a creature singular unto itself. When you see a group of boars, you see multiple timelines, each layered over one another, no longer connected to its whole self, and forced to face the universe alone. Some are able to lead full lives. Others die quickly. But most are unable to cope with being severed from their singular identity and surrender to fracture again and again and again. With each fracture, their timelines become a bit shorter, slightly more divided. A singular of boars is the sight of an ancient creature being sliced away bit by bit, and eventually the boar will be so fractured that its being will not be able to hold its shape, dissolving into the void, singular once more. Buffalo, An Obstinacy Of KINGDOM: Animalia PHYLUM: Chordata CLASS: Mammalia ORDER: Artiodactyla 83 FAMILY: Bovidae GENUS: Bison It is notoriously difficult to move a buffalo. For ages, it was thought that their hooves were made of lead and their fur was laced with iron, but the truth is far stranger. When you see a buffalo, you are only seeing half of the animal. Under its hooves exists a mirrored version of itself, the two invisibly rooted together. As one moves, so does the other. With each step, a buffalo is required to rip itself in two, reconnecting only when its hooves land. As they stampede across a plain, their mirrors tear across the inner curve of the earth, joining and then severing from their bodies in a painful cycle. And when a buffalo dies, its two bodies grow into each other, the two versions becoming a single whole, a collection of itself, one sinking into the earth, the other rising toward the surface. Elephants, A Memory Of KINGDOM: Animalia PHYLUM: Chordata CLASS: Mammalia ORDER: Proboscidea FAMILY: Elephantidae GENERA: Loxodonta, Elephas SPECIES: L. africana, L. cyclotis, E. maximus Elephants have extraordinary memories. A single elephant can recall the entirety of its life, and a group can remember back to the dawn of time, recalling not just their own memories, but the collective memories of all living creatures. They are the witnesses to history. They can remember when the lands split apart, and when species divided into their own lines. They remember what it was like for the boar, who was there before the world fractured, and for dodos, who were there until they weren’t. Their memory goes all the way back to the moment of life’s creation, recalling the taste of the primordial soup when the first cell congealed into consciousness. The smell of the methanated air. The bright terror 84 of being alive. This memory is the one elephants cherish the most, softly blowing on its light so it is never extinguished. But as the number of elephants in the wild dwindles, so do the memories of the world. Already it is difficult to gather enough of them together to remember the time before man evolved, and the memories of the earliest animals, extinct for eons, grow hazier with every elephant that dies. Eventually they will slip below a critical mass, unable to remember the world as it once was, and the first memory of creation, the most precious memory of all, will be lost. Ferrets, A Fesnying Of KINGDOM: Animalia PHYLUM: Chordata SUBPHYLUM: Vertebrata CLASS: Mammalia ORDER: Carnivora FAMILY: Mustelidae GENUS: Mustela Ferrets are often considered the source of dark energy, the force that is responsible for expanding the universe at an accelerated rate. They have the peculiar ability to expend more energy than they ingest. The difference is small, so much so that over an entire lifetime it does not add up to even a single calorie’s worth of energy, but that is enough to create catastrophic consequences for the universe. If left unchecked, the furry creatures will push the universe past the point of gravitational collapse, dooming the cosmos...
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