AbstractCrystalline metal–organic frameworks (MOFs) have garnered extensive attention owing to their highly ordered porous structure and physicochemical properties. However, their practical application often requires their integration with various substrates, which is challenging because of their weakly adhesive nature and the diversity of substrates that exhibit different properties. Herein, we report the use of amorphous metal–phenolic network coatings to facilitate the growth of crystalline MOF coatings on various particle and planar substrates. Crystalline MOFs with different metal ions and morphologies were successfully deposited on substrates (13 types) of varying sizes, shapes, and surface chemistries. Furthermore, the physicochemical properties of the coated crystalline MOFs (e.g., composition, thickness) could be tuned using different synthesis conditions. The engineered MOF‐coated membranes demonstrated excellent liquid and gas separation performance, exhibiting a high H2 permeance of 63200 GPU and a H2/CH4 selectivity of 10.19, likely attributable to the thin nature of the coating (~180 nm). Considering the vast array of MOFs available (>90,000) and the diversity of substrates, this work is expected to pave the way for creating a wide range of MOF composites and coatings with potential applications in diverse fields.