There is extensive research on the governmentality of marriage migration, but more is needed about the role of digital spaces. This article focuses on how online US spousal reunification forums and their users define and police ideological norms regarding the US family and decide which transnational relationships are ‘worthy’ of immigration. We show that through their interactions on the site, users perform borderwork and police family, race and nation. More generally, we argue that online forums constitute institutional settings whose members can reproduce or challenge hegemonic state discourses about ‘proper’ families and national belonging. Further, we suggest that advice given to or withheld from forum participants constitutes an exercise in digital governmentality. Overall, our findings contribute to conversations about the role digital spaces play in institutionalising gatekeeping practices intended to police intimacy, immigration and national belonging.