UP THE BRONCHIAL TREE FRANCINE SMITHLINE Alice arrived at the hospital early. She decided that the best thing to do would be to visit her patients. As it was very early, she soon got an empty elevator. Something about the inside of the elevator seemed odd, as if the very atmosphere inside belonged to a different place. It was probably because the hospital was empty, thought Alice. Usually the elevators were so full one did not notice them at all. Alice reached for the button for the seventh floor, but to her surprise, there was no button for the seventh floor. The buttons proceeded in the following way: 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 12.... Since the elevator had started to rise, Alice hastily pressed the button for the sixth floor. As the elevator arrived, Alice's face assumed an expression of acute comprehension. Oh, dear, I have done it again, she thought, referring, of course, to her belief that she had returned to the strange hospital Wonderland of her last adventures. Taped on the elevator wall to her right was a torn paper announcing: GI conference: A presentation of a case of hyperbilirubinemia with sandwiches. . . . Alice shuddered. It confirmed her fears. The elevator stopped, the door opened, and Alice saw a signpost which read: EKG Department. " 'X, Y, Z—it's all there,' " mumbled Alice to herself, remembering Cheshire Cat's directions. Perhaps this would be a good place to become oriented. Article submitted in the first Dwight J. Ingle Memorial Writing Award competition for authors under 35.© 1982 by The University of Chicago. AU rights reserved. 003 1 -5982/82/2503-0278$01 .00 436 I Francine Smithline · Up the Bronchial Tree Alice knocked on the door and entered. Standing by a lectern was a tall, black bird wearing a formal tuxedo and holding a baton. At his right sat a little secretary bird bent over a notebook, diligently taking dictation. "Do you know anything about reading EKGs?" asked the bird. "Yes, a little," said Alice, modestly. "Well, let us see how you read," said Dr. Raven, pointing with his baton at the lectern. To her left was a tall stack of EKGs. He handed her an EKG and Alice started to look it over carefully. "Enough time!" shouted Dr. Raven, skewering the EKG with his baton and flipping it over. "What was it?" "Normal!" Alice guessed. "Good," said Dr. Raven. The scribe nodded and wrote it all down on a piece of parchment. "Next EKG," said Dr. Raven, handing her the next from the pile. Alice started reading. "Stop!" proclaimed Dr. Raven. "Do you see the size of this space?" he asked sarcastically, pointing to a blank the size ofseveral postage stamps. "Your reading must fit here." Alice tried to condense, but stopped, noticing that Dr. Raven was wincing. "Please, please, please!" he said, trying to sound patient. "We speak only English in this department." Alice turned red, "What do you suggest?" she asked. Dr. Raven smiled demurely and prepared to expound on what was obviously one of his favorite topics. "Reading EKGs we are under strict limitations of space. But there is no reason why we cannot be elegant while we are at it. When you have read as many EKGs as I have, you develop your own style. I myselfuse haiku. Listen to this, for example: OPR! QT sinks in deep despair U rides crest of T Lo! K! "Short, sweet, easy on the typist," said Dr. Raven, sinking back in the chair. Alice, whose experience did not provide a library of haiku from which to casually select a good example, pondered. Finally she thought of a simple one: P at crossroads, Block to the left; Block to the right; Perspectives in Biology and Mediane, 25, 3 ¦ Spring 1982 437 Life Inscrutable. Dr. Raven looked puzzled. "Why inscrutable?" he asked. "Inscrutable from the point ofview ofP!" said Alice, a little defensively. "Well, all right," conceded Dr. Raven, "I'll let that pass. Next!" Alice continued: To south Sailboats glide o'er the waves Seas not tranquil . . . Atrial flutter. "No, no no! Too metaphoric," exclaimed Dr. Raven. "After all, these interpretations must be understood by the doctors...