Looking at cute animal images and videos has become a popular online pastime and animals themselves increasingly appear as actors in social media who have their own accounts and profiles from which they ‘speak’ to and ‘interact’ with us. This development goes hand in hand with a change in human-animal relations in most of Western cultures, where pets – especially cats and dogs – are more and more often seen and treated as family members while the animals we eat are rendered invisible in factory farms that are spatially detached from everyday human life. The familial relationships between humans and their pet companions are constructed by a variety of sociocultural means, one of which is language. By talking about pets as babies and children and oneself as cat or dog moms, the connection between the human and the pet is discursively established as one of kinship and intimacy rather than one of ownership and obedience. Social media have become a prolific space for performing “interspecies families” (Owens, 2015), where self-acclaimed pet parents can interact with each other and build communities of practice in which pet accounts post and engage with each other from an imagined pet perspective. This article uses a quantitative corpus-based approach to study the discursive construction of interspecies families on German-speaking Instagram. By analysing more than 20,000 posts from dog and cat accounts offering first person narratives, the article provides insights into the ways human pet owners speak about themselves and their relations with their pets from an imagined pet perspective. The analysis shows that the caption texts accompanying the posted pictures and videos are highly anthropocentric: at the centre of these short texts stands the – usually female – human pet owner. Using family terminology for both humans and other animals in these posts serves the linguistic construction of interspecies families in which pets and their human companions are held together by love and kinship ties rather than ownership.