Abstract
A dialectic perspective illuminates the contradictory nature of autonomy and connection in romantic relationships and the various ways in which this contradiction is expressed over the course of a relationship. In an extension of past applications of a dialectic perspective, this study focuses on qualitative change in the experience of autonomy‐connection dialectic tensions. Descriptive histories of 10 premarital romantic relationships illustrate sequences of five different types of tensions, including concerns about getting involved and getting to know one's partner, dating others, trade‐offs between the relationship and other activities, fairness and tolerance, and commitment. These findings highlight the ways in which gradual quantitative changes in romantic connection may come about through a process of cumulative yet qualitatively different dialectic tensions between connection and autonomy.
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