ABSTRACT This paper discusses speech and language therapy with pre‐schoolers, focusing on the ‘directive’ versus the ‘non‐directive’ construct. Which factors in clinical practice promote development? Could they sometimes be obstructive or incidental? To the extent that we may misrepresent what we are doing, we may mislead ourselves, and possibly parents or students, into practices which are not as effective as they could be, or at worst may be more definitely unhelpful. Widely accepted defining characteristics of play (Garvey, 1977) indicate why play might be central to therapy, as it is in psychotherapeutic play therapy (Axline, 1989). Play therapy techniques have been adapted to speech and language therapy, for example, in the form of ‘non‐directive therapy’ (NDT) (Tierney & Cogher, 1994). The author compares play therapy and NDT in terms of the goals, assumptions and procedures in each approach, finding significant differences. Additions to NDT from the developmental psycholinguistic literature bear on these differences. Bruner's (1983) ideas on ‘joint attention’; Vygotsky's concept of ‘scaffolding’ (for example, Zukow, 1986) and the research of Harris (1992) on early language development: all have major implications for clinical practice, which may not necessarily fall under the non‐directive end of the directiveness construct. Support for this view is drawn from the multiple‐factors model of Snow, Perlmann and Nathan (1987) apropos the match or mis‐match between learning style and teaching style in child‐led or adult‐led interactions. Directiveness may vary according to contextual factors, such as culture, child or adult styles, and clinical goals. In autistic spectrum learning disorders, the goal of establishing better behaviours may be obstructed by a lack of adult direction. No technique can have universal application. Therapeutic variables may have no inherent good or bad quality; what matters is the skill, flexibility and appropriacy with which any variable is wielded. Therapy is the art of judging the needs and contexts of children, expertly formulating clinical goals and reaching those goals by discerning use of a wide range of techniques.