Privacy settings are a critical space of research. Settings are uniquely positioned at the intersection between users and digital platforms and regulation, providing a visible privacy architecture (unlike backend privacy infrastructure and code) as well as an opportunity for users to interact with privacy choices (unlike terms of service and privacy policy documents which offer only all-or-nothing options). This paper examines the structural power relations and hierarchies inherent within privacy settings. We address the conference theme of decolonizing the internet through a comprehensive analysis of privacy controls, a critical site of power for the “new colonising forces in the form of multinational tech giants who are re-fashioning the world in their own image” (#AoIR2022 CFP). This paper applies a theoretical framework of science & technology studies (STS) to analyze the affordances of social media platforms’ privacy settings. Further, we apply Ian Bogost’s theory of procedural rhetoric to examine how platforms apply “the art of using processes persuasively” (Bogost, 2007). We conduct a comparison study of privacy settings across the most popular social media platforms: Facebook, YouTube, WhatsApp, WeChat, Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, Pintrest, Twitter, and Reddit. The purpose of this qualitative analysis is to examine how privacy is presented to users. How does each platform define privacy? Where do they locate different kinds of privacy settings? What kinds of privacy choices are offered? How do these choices differ? How a platform designs their choice architecture for privacy shapes a user’s understanding of what privacy is and means.