Introduction Ingestions with methanol, ethylene glycol, diethylene glycol, propylene glycol, and isopropanol are rare yet exceedingly dangerous conditions that may require emergent management with kidney replacement therapy. Little is known regarding short- and long-term kidney outcomes post-ingestion. Objectives To comprehensively synthesize existing evidence regarding short- and long-term kidney and other outcomes of adult patients following these poisonings. Methods We developed a search strategy in MEDLINE via OVID and then translated it into other databases including EMBASE (via OVID), PubMed, CENTRAL (via OVID). The databases were searched from their dates of inception to 29 July 2021. A grey literature search was conducted in the International Traditional Medicine Clinical Trial Registry and ClinicalTrials.gov. All interventional and observational studies and case series with ≥ five participants that reported on the outcomes of toxic alcohol (methanol, ethylene glycol, diethylene glycol, propylene glycol and isopropanol) poisonings in adult patients ≥18 years old were included. Studies that reported mortality, kidney outcomes and/or complications attributed to toxic alcohol poisoning were eligible. Results The search strategy identified 1,221 citations. Sixty-seven studies (13 retrospective observational studies, one prospective observational study, 53 case series) met inclusion criteria (total N = 2,327 participants). No randomized controlled trials were identified per our prespecified criteria. Generally, included studies had small sample sizes (median of 27 participants) and were of low quality. Methanol and/or ethylene glycol poisoning made up 94.1% of included studies, whereas one study reported on isopropanol and none reported on propylene glycol. Results of the 13 observational studies of methanol and/or ethylene glycol poisoning were pooled for meta-analyses. The pooled in-hospital mortality estimates amongst patients with methanol and ethylene glycol poisoning were 24 and 11%, respectively. A more recent year of publication, female sex and mean age were associated with lower in-hospital mortality amongst individuals with ethylene glycol poisoning. Although hemodialysis was the most frequently employed kidney replacement therapy, the indications for initiation of this therapy were not reported in the majority of studies. At hospital discharge, kidney recovery occurred in 64.7–96.3% of patients with ethylene glycol poisoning. In studies of methanol and/or ethylene glycol poisoning, 2–3.7% of individuals required ongoing dialysis. Only one study reported post-discharge mortality. Furthermore, long-term toxic alcohol-mediated sequelae, such as visual and neurologic outcomes, were scarcely reported. Discussion Ingestions of methanol and ethylene glycol were associated with a significant short-term risk of mortality. Although a wealth of literature in the form of case reports and case series exists, high-quality evidence regarding kidney outcomes after these poisonings is lacking. We identified a paucity of standardized reporting in clinical presentations, therapeutics and outcomes amongst adults with toxic alcohol poisoning. Amongst the included studies, there was substantial heterogeneity encompassing study type, outcomes, duration of follow-up and treatment modalities. These sources of heterogeneity restricted our ability to perform comprehensive meta-analyses of all outcomes of interest. An additional limitation is the lack of studies pertaining to propylene glycol and the paucity of data on isopropanol. Conclusions The indications for hemodialysis, long-term kidney recovery and long-term mortality risk vary widely in these poisonings and are inconsistently reported in the literature. This highlights the need for further research with standardized reporting of baseline kidney function, indications for initiation of kidney replacement therapy and short-term and long-term kidney outcomes. Registration This systematic review protocol is registered at PROSPERO, CRD42018101955.