Jonah on Oprah, and: Dear Swallowed, and: You Weren't There Marilyn Kallet Jonah on Oprah "I've lived through gut-wrenching remorse, got swallowed up by it. Now I understand I can't run from my problems. I bear witness, whales blow worse blubber-breath than my boss, all undigested krill! I pay attention, take my medication, do as told. I've boarded up the souvenir shop in Ninevah. No more scrimshaw. Whales endangered. I'm not gloating. I water my spindly plants until I near-drown them. Voices? Only on the tube. I prefer Law and Order, [End Page 85] and though she's abrasive as the Negev, Judge Judy. I just love watching idiots scramble, try to argue, try to flee!" Dear Swallowed If the low heavy cover seems to surround you you may be trapped inside a large mammal First, check to see if this is a metaphor: can you gasp? Do you spot sky through a blowhole? If yes then we recommend the Pinocchio pepper spray [End Page 86] your cover's blown in a good way if dry land also weighs down then you may be locked in the grip of long ennui Prozac, Wellbutrin, these will ease the blubbery aftertaste the spleenish hangover you think of as being, without sexual side effects as if, at your age. Caution: do not drive if you're Ishmael and Ahab's in back on his cell trailed by copfish you're moseying the white whale down the Alameda freeway. [End Page 87] You Weren't There Charlie adored me. He made me sexy. Screwed my brains out. No one saw. We did it in the empty cells. I got disciplined twice for leaving clerical sneaking to cell block. He handed me the leash and ordered me to walk the prisoner. He took pics. So what? He was God. I wanted to keep him. He refused to use condoms. Now we have a son. Why did he marry that bitch Megan? Did you catch the snap of him and me tanning in Rhiad? We were happy! He didn't make me do anything. We made a baby. He'll come back. Marilyn Kallet is the author of twelve books, including Circe, After Hours (BkMk), which is reviewed in this issue, and a new translation of Paul Eluard's Last Love Poems (Commonwealth/Black Widow).