Abstract Autonomous aerial refueling (AAR) exact docking control has always been an intractable problem due to the strong nonlinearity, the tight coupling of the 6 DOF aircraft model and the complex disturbances of the multiple environment flows. In this paper, the strongly coupled nonlinear 6 DOF model of the receiver aircraft which considers the multiple flow disturbances is established in the affine nonlinear form to facilitate the nonlinear controller design. The items reflecting the influence of the unknown flow disturbances in the receiver dynamics are taken as the components of the “lumped disturbances” together with the items which have no linear correlation with the virtual control variables. These unmeasurable lumped disturbances are estimated and compensated by a specially designed high order sliding mode observer (HOSMO) with excellent estimation property. With the compensation of the estimated lumped disturbances, a back-stepping high order sliding mode based exact docking flight controller is proposed for AAR in the presence of multiple flow disturbances. Extensive simulation results demonstrate the feasibility and superiority of the proposed docking controller.