While forming any medium-sized ring requires an approach capable of overcoming significant entropic and enthalpic penalties,[1] the challenge in meeting that requirement is often more pronounced in systems composed only of carbon atoms, such as the 9-membered rings of caraphenol A (1)[2] and α-viniferin (2),[3] two oligomeric forms of the natural product resveratrol (3)[4,5] which are bioactive (including acetylcholinesterase inhibition, anti-inflammatory properties, and potential value as probes for elucidating key pathways in Alzheimer’s disease and drug resistance in tumors).[6] Indeed, without the more obvious and established array of productive cyclization strategies afforded by heteroatoms, only a handful of approaches have proven capable of accessing fully carbocyclic variants. For 9-membered rings, that includes Grob fragmentations (such as 4→5),[7] highly context specific C–C bond constructions such as the acetylide addition leading to enediyne 6,[8] and ring-closing olefin metathesis (not shown).[9] Given this landscape, as well as the unique and sp2-rich patterning of 1 and 2 (and 11 other related molecules)[10] that effectively precludes the application of these three established strategies, we sought to identify additional approaches capable of forging strained, 9-membered carbocycles. Herein, we show that a variety of Friedel–Crafts-type reactions promoted by either Au(III) or Br∅nsted acids are competent in this regard with functionally rich substrates. In addition to providing what we believe is the first example of a 9-exo-dig ring closure, late-stage application of one of the developed approaches has enabled the completion of an efficient and highly scalable total synthesis of caraphenol A (1).