For decades, African senior club and national soccer teams, involved in world competitions (FIFA World Cup and FIFA Club World Cup), have failed to perform beyond mere honorable appearances. In this paper, we explore two of the fundamental causes underlying these disappointing performances. First, we examine the dilemma which forces almost all the African federations to overlook the Africa-based players in favor of those based outside the continent. Second, we show that the roots of the poor performances of the African teams go far beyond this crippling dilemma. Indeed, we argue, the persistent underperformances of African teams appear to be rather consistent with the fate of postcolonial Africa itself, a continent marred in an acute identity crisis. In fact, this crisis essentially stems from the relentless brain drain inflicted on the African soccer world which has so far dispersed its best talents all across Europe and beyond through the naturalization of its soccer diaspora. In addition, Africa has shown no ability to offer any type of attractive alternatives to the talented sons and daughters of its diaspora as well as to any other world class players. This ineptitude, coupled with Africa’s inability to leave behind its nostalgic Senghorian soccer essentialism, condemns the continent to perpetual poor performances. Therefore, we suggest that the African national federations and their respective governments move away from their deeply held soccer essentialism in order to begin to move toward some kind of soccer existentialism alongside such European countries as France, Germany, Switzerland, and The Netherlands which appear to acknowledge, perhaps reluctantly, the invaluable contributions made by the African (and other world) diaspora to the success of not only their local and national leagues but also their national teams.