IN RESPONSE not only to popular demand but also to the unexpected availability of a French judge from the winter Olympics, it's time, once again, for the Minor Suit Awards in education litigation.1 The purpose of the awards, as stated at their inception, is to serve as a lesson in judicial restraint for all those who take a sue-the-bastards approach to relatively picayune [school-related] problems that are best resolved through negotiation and . . . communication. It is also worth repeating the caveat that the line between the use and abuse of the costly judicial process is not a clear one. In a society open to innovation and adaptation, what may at first appear to be poison may eventually prove to be meat. Nevertheless, the Twin Towers tragedy provides a measure of perspective that shows some suits to be merely trivial pursuits (TP). Here are the award recipients from the Academy of Litigation Arts and Sciences (ALAS) for the most recent period, 1995-2001. The top TP Award is given in higher education to a tenured in the field of public service who sued the university for reducing his teaching assignment from a total of five to six courses to two to three courses per year. The reason for his suit was not the embarrassment of having a teaching workload that amounted to 7.5 hours per week reduced; rather, it was that the dean assigned him to devote the differential to helping a junior professor with course development. The full alleged that this assignment was endentured [sic] servitude. After all, there are limits to public service.2 The TP runner-up was a parent of a middle school student who, on her daughter's behalf, sued the school district for money damages for not allowing the girl, Abby, to use her nickname, Boo.3 If we had had a Boo-Hoo or Boo-Who award, she would have been the clear winner. In the new category of PHITS (put head in the sand), the Ostrich Award goes to the parents of a male sixth-grade student who filed a federal civil rights suit against school officials for disciplining him for inappropriate behavior. The discipline was a double detention. The inappropriate behavior was his writing near the crease in a female student's yearbook, I just sniffed your crack. Ignoring district officials' legal obligations to deter peer sexual harassment,4 his parents argued that the school's characterization of his words as harassing, obscene, or sexual infringed upon his First Amendment freedom of expression. After making clear the fatal defects in their constitutional arguments, the federal judge dismissed the parents' suit without prejudice, allowing -- virtually daring -- them to amend and refile their claim within the boundaries of Rule 11 of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure, which authorizes sanctions for frivolous suits.5 The Without Redeeming Judicial Value Award again went, with fanfare and pom-poms, to a disappointed cheerleader. In this case, the forlorn rabble-rouser made a federal case of being selected as co-head cheerleader for only the basketball, not the football, squad. She claimed a violation of the 14th Amendment due process and equal protection clauses.6 Coming in a close second was a student who sued a school district for not designating her the class valedictorian.7 In the Creative Script Writing category, the award winner is the mother of a kindergarten child who claimed that she and her son suffered from AIDS phobia and that the district owed them money damages as the result of the school's alleged negligence. More specifically, her son found a hypodermic needle in a box of musical toys in the classroom. He promptly gave the syringe to the supervising adults, and there was no evidence that he stuck himself with it or that it had been used. The principal turned the instrument over to the police, who destroyed it without examining it for HIV. …
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