We introduce succinct and objective definitions of the various classes of objects in the solar system. Unlike the formal definitions adopted by the International Astronomical Union in 2006, group separation is obtained from measured physical properties of the objects. Thus, this classification scheme does not rely on orbital/environmental factors that are subject to debate—the physical parameters are intrinsic properties of the objects themselves. Surface gravity g is the property that single-handedly differentiates (a) planets from all other objects (and it leaves no room for questioning the demotion of Pluto), and (b) the six largest (g>1 m s−2) of the large satellites from dwarf planets. Large satellites are separated from small satellites by their sizes and masses/densities, which may serve as higher-order qualifiers for class membership. Size considerations are also sufficient for the classification of (i) main-belt asteroids (except possibly Ceres) as small solar-system bodies similar in physical properties to the small satellites; and (ii) a group of large Kuiper-belt objects as dwarf planets similar in physical properties to the large (but not the largest) satellites in our solar system. The selection criteria are simple and clear and reinforce the argument that body shape and environmental factors need not be considered in stipulating class membership of solar as well as extrasolar bodies.