Abstract Study question How do patients perceive emotional support and clinic culture in the context of fertility care, what factors contribute to their overall experiences within fertility clinics? Summary answer Patients find clinic support lacking, rated 4.8/10, with <45% perceiving a supportive clinic culture. Despite increased awareness, emotional support perception declined from 2019 to 2023. What is known already Despite abundant research emphasising the necessity of psychosocial care in fertility treatment, notably by ESHRE, patients’ experiences indicate clinics are not consistently following these guidelines or offering sufficient emotional support. UK studies by the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority and Fertility Network emphasise the genuine emotional toll of fertility treatment, revealing that 40% of women undergoing treatment have experienced suicidal thoughts. These findings underscore the critical need for robust emotional support throughout the treatment journey. Study design, size, duration This study involved surveying 210 respondents undergoing fertility treatment. Employing an online survey format, disseminated within my online support communities (approx. 7,000 individuals), the study incorporated both qualitative and quantitative questions. Responses were collected across two distinct periods, 2019 and 2023, providing a comprehensive understanding of patients’ emotional experiences over the 4-year interval. Participants/materials, setting, methods The study gathered insights from 210 global respondents (97% receiving treatment in the UK, 3% in Europe and the USA), all participants were fertility patients undergoing treatment. Cohorts were surveyed in 2019 and 2023, responding to a 10-question online survey. This design enabled a comprehensive exploration of diverse perspectives on emotional support within fertility care over the specified 4-year period. Main results and the role of chance The study reveals a significant disparity between perceived and actual emotional support in fertility clinics. Despite clinics asserting excellence in support, patients rated the emotional support they received at 4.8 out of 10. An alarming 58% expressed scepticism about their clinic fostering a culture of support embraced by all staff, showcasing a disconnect between clinic claims and patient experiences. The study determined a decline in perceived support levels from 2019 to 2023, from 5.3/10 in 2019 to 4.6/10 in 2023. This downward trend raises concerns about the efficacy of efforts to enhance emotional support over the years despite an escalating focus and awareness surrounding the emotional challenges of fertility treatment. The participants’ qualitative responses unveiled a recurring theme across 2019 and 2023, indicating a persistent lack of improvement in emotional support. Patients felt like part of a production line, reduced to mere numbers in the clinic during their treatment journey. A resounding 66% of respondents expressed a desire for more accessible support services within their clinics. This study’s comprehensive findings shed light on the critical need for clinics to re-evaluate and fortify their emotional support infrastructure, ensuring it aligns with patient expectations and contributes positively to their overall experience. Limitations, reasons for caution Differences in participant demographics over study years may influence individual perspectives. Feedback could be influenced by participants’ mood on the survey day, and the global online distribution encompassing diverse clinics adds variability to responses. Wider implications of the findings The study reveals a gap in emotional support provision despite extensive research on IVF’s emotional impact. Patients hesitate to voice concerns, contributing to treatment dropout rates. Addressing this, the study suggests guidelines to help clinics establish a supportive culture from initial contact, potentially reducing dropout rates and improving patient experiences. Trial registration number not applicable