Closed captions are a vital tool of sonic access for D/deaf and hard of hearing audio-viewers, detailing dialogue alongside notable sound effects and music. As evidenced by the recent virality of the captions in the Netflix series Stranger Things, captions are increasingly playing a key role in the sonic experience for many audio-viewers. From captions such as [tentacles undulating moistly] to [wet footsteps squelch], captions shape and articulate sounds, working both alone and alongside other sonic elements. Yet, while captions crucially anchor sonic meaning for a growing audience, captions are still a critically understudied dimension of film and media sound. Drawing upon the visceral captions and squelching sound effects of the fourth season of Stranger Things, this article details the parallels between closed captions and the custom synchronized sound effects of Foley. Captions crucially emphasize the narrative and characterizing effects of Foley sounds, from an oozing moist [squelch] that turns the stomach to the vivid snap of [bones cracking]. In turn, Foley sound offers a vital new framework from which to understand the sonicity of captions. As an artistic practice of reconfiguration and substitutions, Michel Chion’s seminal distinction between real and rendered sounds underpins theorizations of Foley, where a broken celery vividly renders the emotive impact of bones breaking. This article contends that captions can similarly be understood as rendering sound, a move that ultimately folds captions such as [wet writhing], [creatures chittering] and [flesh tearing] into larger sound theories, highlighting the sonic significance and generative possibilities of access tools.