Oxidized, browned, Maillard end-product, coating fried, baked, grilled, and roasted foods stimulate oral-mesolimbic opiate-dopaminergic pathways that drive overeating and overweight. Melanoidin-browned food is the most widely abused mood-enhancing substance and the top public health hazard globally. Maillard abuse disorder is estimated to occur in more than seven out of ten people worldwide. Adult monthly weight gain and childhood obesity significantly increased throughout the COVID-19 pandemic. Mounting evidence exists that Maillard[1]coated food prompts redox imbalance, increases the risk of hosting symptomatic COVID-19 sepsis, courtesy of an already Maillard misuse-compromised immune response and a litany of other common Maillard-based illnesses and sources of death. For fifty-six years, assuming animal-based foods with smaller amounts of oxidized exogenous cholesterol (ox-ex-CHOL)—such as cooked fish and chicken— absorbed and dispersed equally lesser blood levels of oxidized low-density lipoprotein (ox-LDL) without ever scientifically testing the speculation. The purpose of this pilot study is to test the necessity of a more considerable investigation determining whether the exogenous cholesterol values of six animal[1]based foods translate into corresponding ox-LDL blood levels. And to test each oxidized lipoprotein’s influence on corporal redox biophysics and the risk for COVID-19 sepsis and other leading causes of morbidity and mortality. The subject met all inclusion criteria, provided a morning baseline lipid panel and TSH blood sample, followed a specific day’s dietary protocol, and provided a following day blood draw before initiating a subsequent heated and oxidized food challenge. Processed food challenges included steamed wild salmon within a fresh-frozen lima bean and pigeon pea-green alkaline diet (ALK-D) and canned chickpea-beige acidic diet (ACD-D). Other food challenges had boiled then very[1]lightly roasted grain-fed chicken within an ALK-D, commercially grilled medium[1]rare grain-fed beef steak within an ALK-D, roasted dark-brown free-range lamb within an ALK-D, minimally melted grain-fed mozzarella cheese within an ALK-D and ACD-D. Hard-to-soft boiled free-range eggs within an ALK-D and ACD-D. Previously assumed ex-CHOL to circulating ox-LDL absorption-dynamics were grossly incorrect as it relates to the person studied. Heated egg, cheese, lamb, and beef-CHOL absorbed and translated less into endogenous ox-LDL than cooked fish and chicken. At the same time, free-range lamb, eggs and salmon best-prevented redox imbalance, inflammation, immunoincompetence, COVID-19 sepsis risk, and chronic sickness risk in the participant studied. Grain-fed beef and cheese were next within the most dynamic longevity-friendly to an illness-causing spectrum of the foods assayed in vivo. Grain-fed chicken most facilitated redox imbalance, inflammation, immunoincompetence, COVID-19 sepsis risk, and chronic sickness risk in the subject studied. This pilot study does not prove that previously assumed animal-based absorption[1]kinetics and their redox-influencing dispersions are incorrect. However, the results cast a substantial shadow of a doubt upon previously unproven notions and presumptions and suggest more investigations are warranted. If validated, the potential global public health and epidemiology prize is an eagerly welcomed Maillard abuse, redox/digestion-balanced culinary medicine, and dynamic longevity lifestyle component to COVID-19 prevention and treatment plans. And prevention and treatment plans for the top causes of ailment and ruin. More accurately tabulated as Maillard abuse disorder[1]ischemic heart phenotype, Maillard abuse disorder-stroke phenotype, Maillard abuse disorder-lower respiratory phenotype, Maillard abuse disorder-cancer phenotype, Maillard abuse disorder-Alzheimer phenotype, Maillard abuse disorder-T2 diabetes phenotype, Maillard abuse disorder-renal phenotype, and Maillard abuse disorder-attention deficit/accident/trauma phenotype.