Unstrained C─C bond activation is attained in homopolymers through mechanochemical bond scission followed by functionalization to yield mostly semi-telechelic polymer chains. Ball milling poly(ethylene oxide) (PEO) in the presence of 1-(bromoacetyl)pyrene (BAPy) yields the pyrene terminated PEO. Similarly, milling with 2,4'-dibromoacetophenone followed by Suzuki coupling allows the introduction of various aryl end groups. PEOs with a molecular weight below 20kDa show no functionalization, supporting a mechanochemical mechanism. The protocol is also tested with doxorubicin, yielding the drug-polymer conjugate. PEO halogenation is also demonstrated by milling PEO with iodine, N-bromosuccinimide, or N-iodosuccinimide, which can then be reacted with an amine substituted anthracene. Grinding additional carbon polymers with BAPy indicates that this functionalization method is general for different polymer chemistries.