Women's satisfaction in close relationships

Abstract

A review of research on women's satisfaction in close relationships explores the paradox between the images of women in popular books that offer advice on relationship distress, and empirical evidence supporting women's knowledge and expertise in the expressive/interpersonal domain. Images of women portrayed in the popular relationship literature can be characterized by three themes: (a) Ignorance (women don't know what they want); (b) Incompetence (women need to be taught how to relate in close encounters); and (c) Illusion (women and men are “intimate strangers” with distinct and polarized styles of relating). These three themes are reframed as testable hypotheses that are explored through reviews of relevant research literature on close relationships. The ignorance hypothesis is not supported, in that women have been shown to articulate their relationship preferences in at least three areas: demonstrations of affection and caring, clear communication, and equality in allocation of relationship resources. The hypothesis of incompetence is also rejected, in that women have been shown to display effective relationship skills in verbal and nonverbal communication, intimacy of self-disclosure, and social-support, all of which relate to relationship expertise and satisfaction. The intimate stranger hypothesis is explored through a sampling of relationship variables that have been shown to be independent of gender, including motives of intimacy and affiliation, and personality traits related to sex roles and self-monitoring. Applications to psychotherapy with women are considered. It is concluded that attention to gender issues in therapy is essential if clinicians are to address the preference and power differentials that exist between women and men. The focus on gender polarities, however, must be balanced by consideration of interpersonal variables that may transcend the social stereotypes of women and men in close relationships.