When choosing death is an affirmation of life: A public remembrance of our family’s journey

Abstract

This article is a theological reflection written four months after the death, at age 80, of Nedra Faye Hathaway, mother to co-author Karen and mother-in-law to co-author Jim. Nedra chose to end her life on October 24, 2016, over a year after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, almost eleven months after major surgery to remove her pancreas and four months after learning the cancer was still present even after eighteen chemotherapy treatments. For many years Nedra, an Oregonian, had been a proponent of the right to die with dignity. She had supported Oregon’s approval of “Death with Dignity” law. Different states refer to this as physician-assisted suicide, right to die, or euthanasia. After moving to California to reside with her daughter and son-in-law, Nedra was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, a diagnosis that eventually led to the conclusion that she had only months to live. After choosing to participate in California’s newly approved End of Life Option Act, Nedra agreed to contribute as part of an educational panel to support the Act. She wowed the participants of the Program. She expressed her strong belief in her right to make end-of-life decisions, appreciation for programs such as the one in which she was participating, her desire to see more states adopt Death with Dignity legislation, and her personal gratitude to each of the professionals who volunteer to support patients who make choices like hers. She also said, “I recognize there is a difference in supporting me in this process and agreeing with me at every turn in the road.” Following her participation on this panel nothing more was said to her by family members, initially uncomfortable with her decision, about taking her end-of-life medication. In the end, on a legal level, the family found that, with Nedra, they supported the adoption of “right-to-die” legislation by additional states. While they do not think that the choice she made will be the best choice for every person and every family, they acknowledge that simply having the right to choose the time and place of her death brought Nedra comfort; simultaneously, the family found themselves hoping they would have the same right regardless of which state they lived in.