Abstract
Inspired by Kate Kenny's work on Aesthetics and Emotion in Organisational Ethnography, this paper responds to her plea for emotional process of PhD undertaking to be made more visible. I begin with a theoretical analysis that seeks to link gender and power issues to way in which emotional world is both neglected and undervalued within academia. I continue with an auto–ethnographic section as I attempt to negotiate the ongoing interplay between yearning for individual freedom of self–creation and equally strong desire for security that only stamp of social approval, countersigned by a community of reference, can offer (Bauman, 2008, p.1).
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