Too Long in the Middle School?

Abstract

Once upon a time I was considered an intelligent, idealistic, ambi tious young man. I gra uated with a fine grade-point average from an ac credited Midwestern university and started upon a career that I knew would be rewar ding. Twenty years ago I took a job as a middle school teacher. Today I am still a middle school teacher. Teaching has been good to me and my family. But lately I'm frightened. Is it possible that too much of a good thing can be bad? Have I over-spent my stay in the environs of the middle school? Consider the evidence: 1. I wear tennis shoes for non-athletic events, and I don't always tie them. 2. I think the holes in my jeans look prime. 3. I'm no longer worried about my thin ning hair; in fact, I'm beginning to think a streak of red or purple might even make what's left look attractive. 4. Poison is no longer something to avoid, rather something to listen to. 5. I feel impervious to weather condi tions. I no longer wear coats, hats, or mittens. Yesterday, I junked my um brella and good pair of galoshes. 6. Strange animal noises emerge from my mouth for no conceivable reasons at the most inopportune times. 7. When I walk down the hallways of my school, I am overpowered by an un controllable urge to clench my fist and bang each and every locker I pass. 8. Every lunchtime I eat a slice of pizza, a serving of french fries, a shake, and a Twinkie. Macaroni and cheese has become my favorite dinner. 9. I am physically and emotionally unable to pass a video machine without feeding it a pocketful of change. 10. For my last birthday, I asked for, and received, a pair of roller skates and a skateboard.