The Macabre Dance of Shame

Abstract

Starting with a short case study, this article discusses the “stealth” emotion called shame. It is suggested that this emotion obtains much of its power from being seemingly unspeakable. Shame, however, is part of the human condition. It is considered to be Homo sapiens’ master emotion—the fear of not being good enough. Everyone, except psychopaths, will have shame experiences. The question becomes how to experience shame in a psychologically acceptable way. If shame turns out to become toxic, it can stifle human development. In these instances, being shame prone will create a painful loop of negative self-talk, contributing to feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. And it will prevent individuals from living a full life. Also, in this article, the etymological roots of shame are presented. Various psychological and physical shame reactions are highlighted. In addition, the difference between shame and guilt is explained. Also, to better understand how people become shame prone, evolutionary and developmental perspectives are introduced. Furthermore, in the search for origins, a neurological point of view is explored. Subsequently, the article points out ways of overcoming shame. Various steps are put forth that can be taken to deal with toxic shame. The suggested recommendations include acknowledging that there is a problem, sharing the problem with others, looking for its origins, recognizing the signs, embracing self-compassion, and asking for professional help.