Taking Care of the Caregiver

Abstract

It's plain and simple; we ignore taking care of ourselves. I just had the following conversation with a coworker: “Lisa, did you make that doctor's appointment?” I respond, “No, I haven't had time yet. Right now work is busy, I have some side projects to complete, my husband is finishing up a car restoration, my daughter has oral surgery this week, camp next week, and I need to make sure she is ready to start school in a few weeks.” So, I come last in my list of priorities. Many of us are living this life, and if you’re not, you know someone who is. My grandfather ignored his own health to take care of my grandmother. He died quickly after being diagnosed with an advanced cancer. My mother-in-law is ignoring her own health while she cares for my father-in-law. Believe me, we kids are harping on her, but as we ignore our own health because of our hectic lifestyle, so does she. Reminders that one can't take care of another if one is sick is falling on deaf ears because we do not practice what we preach. The same is true with our patients' caregivers. They too are falling prey to altered priorities, leaving many of our ill and stressed patients to ignore their health as they become the caregiver. Why do we do this to ourselves? I have no easy answers. Is this an innate quality of human beings? Possibly, because we see so many people doing this. Is it because we are in a field where giving is its basis? We are a group of listeners and problem-solvers. Is it a product of guilt—the “I want to make sure I have done all that I can, so in case something goes wrong, I know I’ve done everything I could” complex? This is also a possibility because I see myself and others use this rationale in justifying our actions. It takes a lot of effort to break this cycle. Many of us in this quandary recognize and acknowledge that we need to include ourselves in our own priorities, but that does not always motivate us to make changes. Even when we do decide to make changes to include ourselves in our own priorities, it takes a lot of energy and reinforcement to continue the process. In my own experience, I am feeling twinges of guilt as I digest the fact that my plate is too full and begin the process of stepping away from projects and say more. Coworkers will tell you that although I am stepping away, I am still the first person to volunteer to take on more. It's a never-ending battle. For those of you who have learned how to break this vicious cycle, I ask you for advice. How did you do it? What motivated you enough to put yourself either above others or at least on equal footing? What lessons can you teach those of us who continue to ignore ourselves? Yes, I am asking for help. It is a rarity in my life, but it is part of the process of truly making a change. Balance in our hectic world is so hard to find. It's not only affecting us, but it is also affecting the community we serve. We can't assist them to find balance and time for themselves until we also can master the talent. So, I will make that doctor's appointment, just as soon as I send this off to the editor, return a few E-mails, and get lab reports out to patients.