Shifting Gears: The Mentee in the Driver's Seat

Abstract

Good mentoring depends on effective learning. Effective learning depends on the readiness, willingness, and openness of mentoring partners. The concept of mentoring as a partnership does not come easy to many who experience mentoring through the lens of the traditional paradigm that focused on an older, more experienced person passing on knowledge and information to a younger, less experienced one (Zachary & Fischler, 2009). That model is being replaced by a more learner-centered approach, one that requires a conscious shift in roles for both mentor and mentee and a re-orienting of the learning process (Daloz, 1986). These shifts require a different mindset. A parallel can be drawn to the process of learning to drive a manual transmission automobile. Shifting gears requires attention and practice to become attuned to the engine and respond appropriately. Having someone sitting next to you while you are learning to shift gears is helpful. Having a backseat driver tell you what to do and when to do it is not. Mentoring using a learner-centered approach (Daloz, 1986; Zachary, 2000) may be challenging for individuals who have been mentored or who mentored others in the more traditional model. It will require a shift in roles, but we believe that it is necessary in order to be able to make the most of a mentoring experience. Let's take a look at a mentoring relationship that was a wake up call for two mentoring partners who needed to reexamine their respective roles. A Wake Up Call Tina was looking forward to being mentored by Chris, an Executive Vice President in her organization. She was eager to learn about his career path, choices, successes, and failures. At their first mentoring meeting, Chris got down to business immediately. He had been in the organization for more than ten years and had some pretty clear ideas about what Tina should be focusing on at this stage in her career. He began the meeting by laying out a list of goals that they would work on together. Tina sat passively, listening to Chris as he outlined HER goals and HER career path. She found Chris intimidating and chalked it up to his senior position in the organization. She was completely put off by the direction Chris was taking the relationship. Tina was at a loss about what to say or do. This was not the mentoring relationship she had envisioned. As Tina returned to her office, she considered bailing out. A trusted coworker listened to her vent and then pointed out that by not speaking up Tina had essentially relinquished the driver's seat and now needed to get it back. She helped Tina understand that Chris might have interpreted her lack of response as endorsing his plan. Tina hadn't pushed back, offered an alternative, or shown much resistance. She had to acknowledge that part of what had made her really feel disengaged was the disappointment she felt in her own behavior in front of a senior manager. It wasn't like her not to offer an opinion. She disliked being so passive. She was ready to take the wheel and shift gears. Shifting Gears Tina decided to take control of the relationship by developing an agenda for their next mentoring meeting. Her agenda included three items: (a) making time to get to know each other by talking about their own mentoring experiences and career paths; (b) setting ground rules and structures around their relationship (including how often they would meet, where and when), and (c) reviewing the three learning goals she had formulated, with time to react and identify learning opportunities and strategies for achieving them. She emailed her agenda to Chris and waited with baited breath. Chris was surprised when he opened Tina's email and read her agenda. He had planned on starting their meeting, set for the next day, by asking for an update on her progress on the goals he had identified. Instead, he saw that she had allocated time for a conversation about his career path and their personal experiences with mentoring. …