Shared Scars

Abstract

Shared Scars Abby Manzella (bio) I share a scar with my father and brother.Our abdomens marked as kin.My father's a slicing long and wide,a question how life was resewn.My brother's, he says, "like bullet wounds,"and mine just dots, bleached-out stains. The genetic, the hereditary,the failures of the bodypassed from one to the next,aim indiscriminate and true.Fathers to sons, not the only path.An inheritance evading primogeniture.The gall of the vitriol,a pain like fireworks of stone.But there's progression in the science,diminished harm with knowledge. I learned from them,but the doctors said they learned mnemonically.Four Fs they said:female, family, forty, and fat.No insult intended to the woman before them,who defied the categories wielded,except their definitions of family. I do not know what my father (or his grandfather) felt.I do not know when he grasped the source.I did not yet exist.For my brother, it took weeks,but he, I saw, [End Page 285] not quite adult,slapping the steering wheelto cut the ache,extracting himself from his carwith hand to roof rack,the wracking hurt so great,the displacement insufficient.Still I cooled his head and called for help.The organ must goto deplete yellow from skin,to drain the pain from his eyes. We can survive with much less. When my turn came,I knew the smack of the heelagainst my bathroom floor to quell the agony.I knew.My mirrored eyes were my brother's.I thanked him for this knowledge,if not all my ancestors for the pain.Still my scar and quick solutioncame through their suffering.Their detriment, my benefit. This is family. [End Page 286] Abby Manzella Abby Manzella has taught and written on contemporary American literature and film, particularly as they relate to issues of race and gender, at the University of Missouri, Yeshiva University, Centre College, Tufts University, and the University of Virginia. She has been published in Feminist Studies, Frontiers, Women's Review of Books, Ms., BUST, and Literary Hub. Her book, Migrating Fictions: Gender, Race, and Citizenship in U.S. Internal Migrations, was named a Choice Reviews Outstanding Academic Title. She can be reached at abbymanzella@hotmail.com. Copyright © 2020 Abby Manzella