Mentoring, Part 1

Abstract

It happens when I least expect it, as I’m sure it also does to many of my fellow nurse leader colleagues. You open LinkedIn and see an inbox message from a past contact or colleague. The message may start something like this: “I’m not sure if you remember me, but I was a graduate student of yours in the early 2000s. I have seen your name in a few places and think of you often. I’m not sure I ever appropriately thanked you for all your guidance and mentoring! You were the best mentor I have ever experienced!” Or you attend a conference and unexpectedly see a colleague from earlier in your career, and they thank you for encouraging them to take career risks in pursuing a new role. Or my last example (which happens with much greater frequency now that my girlfriends have children who are of college age or are recent college graduates) is I find myself mentoring young nurses as they embark on their own nursing careers. The American Organization for Nursing Leadership’s Nurse Executive Competencies1American Organization for Nursing LeadershipAONE Nurse Executive Competencies.https://www.aonl.org/nurse-executive-competenciesDate accessed: October 10, 2021Google Scholar detail the skills, knowledge, and abilities that guide nurse leaders in executive practice regardless of their educational level, title, or setting. Included under the Leadership competency, Succession Planning objectives are to “mentor current and future nurse leaders” and to “establish mechanisms that provide for early identification and mentoring of staff with leadership potential.” A mentoring expectation is also included in the Professionalism competency under Career Planning, specifically “to seek input and mentorship from others in career planning and development.” In other words, nurse leaders are expected to fulfill dual mentoring roles—to mentor and to be mentored (i.e., as the protégé). In this month’s column, we’ll explore mentoring from both sides of the table (so to speak), and I will share my own experiences from both sides of that table. Mentoring and coaching are terms that should never be used interchangeably, as they entail 2 very different leadership skills. In short, coaching is an assigned, shorter term relationship, whereas mentoring is a more informal, longer term relationship. Others have already written quite extensively about their differences.2Reitman A. Benatti S. Mentoring vs coaching.https://www.td.org/insights/mentoring-versus-coaching-whats-the-differenceDate: 2021Date accessed: October 10, 2021Google Scholar,3International Coaching FederationInterpretative Statements.https://coachingfederation.org/interpretive-statementsDate: 2020Date accessed: October 10, 2021Google Scholar Mentoring programs can be further differentiated between the formal and the informal. Formal programs are more brief, the organization assigns the pairs, the mentor may already be the protégé’s supervisor, and it is the degree to which more personal information is shared that influences the program’s potential success.4Academy of Management (AOM) InsightsMaking the most of mentoring.https://journals.aom.org/doi/10.5465/amr.2013.0203.summaryDate: 2018Date accessed: October 8, 2021Google Scholar The remainder of this paper is more about informal mentoring relationships, and not being “matched” or steered into them. For their protégés, mentors draw upon their own experiences, provide direction and advice, and even can open organizational doors. Because there is no line management relationship to the protégé, the mentor can be a more neutral and confidential sounding board, with no agenda other than assisting the protégé. Webster’s Dictionary defines protégé as “one who is protected or trained or whose career is furthered by a person of experience, prominence, or influence.”5protégé. Merriam-Webster website.https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/protégéDate: 2021Date accessed: October 10, 2021Google Scholar Such “identification” between mentor and protégé, along with the protégé’s career development and career trajectories are all at the heart of this relationship. The quality of mentoring relationships has been categorized as dysfunctional, traditional, or relational. I’ll focus first on relational mentoring. Research indicates that when a mentor and protégé identify with each other, they are more likely to forge a personal connection6Humberd B.K. Rouse E.D. Seeing you in me and me in you: personal identification in the phases of mentoring relationships.Acad Mgmt Rev. 2016; 41: 435-455Crossref Scopus (61) Google Scholar and to share personal information about themselves in order to find meaningful similarities, both keys to building higher quality mentoring relationships. How mentors and protégés identify with one another also evolves as the mentoring relationship progresses. As they spend more time together, they start to know each other better and then to share more information that helps them to further connect. With such solid personal identification, it’s not uncommon to hear a mentor mention “seeing a former version of myself” in a particular protégé. Because high quality, relational mentoring is more time intensive, where both protégés and mentors experience mutual growth, learning, and career development, a nurse leader likely will have only a small number of these relationships. In traditional mentoring relationships, there is typically less of a connection between mentor and protégé because of less relationship time together, which inevitably limits the amount of personal information shared. Whenever less personal information is shared, the mentor may not experience the level of personal identification required to see themselves in the protégé. But even though traditional mentoring may not provide for the mutual growth of both mentor and protégé, the relationship still provides the protégé’s psychosocial and career support. Dysfunctional mentoring is characterized by bullying or sabotage, and is not discussed here. Although mentoring can be a key driver of career success, research also shows that not all mentoring relationships are effective4Academy of Management (AOM) InsightsMaking the most of mentoring.https://journals.aom.org/doi/10.5465/amr.2013.0203.summaryDate: 2018Date accessed: October 8, 2021Google Scholar,6Humberd B.K. Rouse E.D. Seeing you in me and me in you: personal identification in the phases of mentoring relationships.Acad Mgmt Rev. 2016; 41: 435-455Crossref Scopus (61) Google Scholar; for example, the protégé may not reap intended benefits of the relationship, or the mentor may not feel invested in the relationship. But as the mentoring relationship is able to progress through the various phases, the dynamic quality of the relationship changes over time. Some mentoring relationships can last throughout one’s career, whereas others may end for a variety of reasons. One or the other loses interest, expectations are unfulfilled, they experience difficulty connecting, one or both may not have the skills to communicate effectively, there may be cultural misunderstandings or behavior issues, or life circumstances change. Like many of my nurse leader colleagues, I have enjoyed both relational and traditional mentoring relationships, several of which being closer than others. Protégés engaged in a mentoring relationship are considering where they would like to be in the future, because the relationship’s primary purpose is to support career development. Protégés may identify with a leader by recognizing that they share similarities with that leader. Some protégés tell a story of career success that includes the notion of “seeing a future version of myself” in a mentor. Through observational learning, protégés model the behaviors and activities of their mentors and identify with them, viewing the mentors as the models of who they want to become in the future. A protégé may also actually change his or her sense of self to become more similar to their mentor. Some may be motivated to form a mentoring relationship to help fulfill individual goals and aspirations relative to their current status, whereas others want to be connected to a mentor who has influence in the organization. Being a “good” protégé is about any number of characteristics: Balancing when and how often you seek a mentor’s advice. Deciding how motivated you will be to the exchange of personal information that deepen and strengthen the relationship. Your openness to a mentor’s suggestions and recommendations, and your willingness to change your behaviors as needed. How quickly you follow up on an introduction made by your mentor, and circle back to update and thank your mentor for their assistance. Finally, offering to assist your mentor and reciprocating in a timely fashion. If all goes well, the relationship engenders good will and builds trust. Over the course of one’s career, mentors can and often do change. Early in my career, I sought out mentors in nursing leadership as I moved up. But, as my career turned down a different path into advertising and marketing, I realized the need for a new type of mentor, which was also even more true when I found myself leading an organization. Mentors are vitally important whenever you lead the organization because that senior-most leader expresses it is lonely at the top and that a mentor provides a much needed confidential, sounding board. Some of my early mentors I may have lunch with only once a year, yet I’m still always thanking them for their advice and pearls of wisdom. All nurse leaders, regardless of their educational level, title, or setting, mentor future nurse leaders, and seek input and mentorship from others in their own career planning and development. Participating in both traditional and relational mentoring relationships may bring you joy and a smile to your face the next time you open your inbox.