Is it really “all in their heads”? How self‐esteem predicts partner responsiveness

Abstract

Having a responsive partner is important for the well-being of relationships. Unfortunately, people with low self-esteem (LSEs) perceive their partners to be less responsive than do people with high self-esteem (HSEs). Although the common assumption has been that LSEs' negative partner perceptions are "all in their heads"-a reflection of their negative self-projection-we argue that LSEs' views of lower partner responsiveness are, in fact, warranted. Across two studies (NStudy1 = 122 couples, Mage = 22.28, 50% female; NStudy2 = 73 couples, Mage = 19.96, 51% female), we examined LSEs' and HSEs' perceptions of their partners' responsiveness to their negative self-disclosures, comparing them with partners' reports (Study 1) and ratings from objective coders following a negative experience created in the lab (Study 2). Consistent with our hypothesis, partners of LSEs were less responsive than partners of HSEs to disclosers' negative self-disclosures, as rated by disclosers, listeners, and objective observers. Study 3 (N = 99, Mage = 33.19, 54% female) explored possible mechanisms behind these self-esteem differences. The finding that partners of LSEs (vs. HSEs) are less responsive may contribute to LSEs' poorer relationships.