Fathers and Sons in Personal Histories

Abstract

The father-son relationship, like any relationship, is not self-contained. Each father and son brings to the relationship influences, elements, and traces of myriad other relationships, primarily with family members. Not infrequently, the father’s style of parenting mirrors that of his own father before him and is also replicated by his son. In general, the interactional strategies, role models, values, obligations, and set of expectations that operate within a specific family form trends or orientations that persist from generation to generation. While the family legacy is a major factor in shaping the nature of the father-son relationship, it does not necessarily follow that all sons conform to the patterns established in the family. Some sons reject their fathers’ models of behavior rather than emulate them, and seek alternative styles of interaction with their children. Attempting to avoid their fathers’ shortcomings, they strive to be lenient, supportive, and affectionate with their own sons if, for example, they have experienced their fathers as strict, distant, and cold. In such instances, rejection becomes a mechanism of change and progress. The cross-generational movement, then, is not entirely predictable. At times the father-son relationship shows similarities across generations; at other times, it reveals dramatic changes. This variability results from differences in the personalities of the players involved (i.e., father and son), and from differences in the historical context in which the family is embedded, specifically the dynamic interplay among various social, cultural, religious, economic, and political forces at work.