Discursive struggles in “real” families: Korean adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth family reunions

Abstract

AbstractObjectiveThis study explores transnational Korean adoptees' interactions with their adoptive families surrounding birth family reunion.BackgroundUsing relational dialectics theory as a guide, this study takes an adoptee‐centered approach to understanding the broader cultural and relational discourses that interplay with adoptee and adoptive parent messages surrounding birth family reunions.MethodIn‐depth interviews with 19 Korean adult adoptees from the United States and Denmark were conducted to explore adoptive family interactions surrounding reunion.ResultsMost participants reported that their adoptive parents responded supportively to reunion. Still, participants' responses revealed two main discourses surrounding their own communication with their adoptive family surrounding reunion: reassuring their adoptive family and holding back affection or questions toward the birth family in the presence of an adoptive parent. Cultural discourses about having only one set of “real” parents and other adoptees' experiences interplayed with the discourses of reassurance and holding back. Adoptees whose parents were open about their birth family from a young age tended recall reassuring their parents.ConclusionEven with adoptive parent support, adoptees may still feel the need to reassure their adoptive parents and hold back affection and curiosity toward the birth family.ImplicationsHolding back may prevent adoptees from engaging with their birth families fully. Reassuring turns the focus toward the adoptive parents. Practitioners should encourage ongoing communication about the birth family, and adoptive parents should show active support for the reunion and interest in the birth family afterward.