Abstract
The process of differentiation, as defined in this paper, has utility for mediators, particularly those who work with separating and divorcing couples. Divorcing clients base their decision making about the future and the future of their children either on family beliefs or contrary to family beliefs. When decisions, as to the conditions of a separation and divorce agreement clash, the mediator must use techniques that help clients get beyond their differences as to the future. This is necessary if spouses are to truly differentiate from one another and begin separate and individual lives. Exploring family emotional and rational practices and beliefs and how they affect divorcing spouses’ decision making is a useful tool for mediators. The article suggests that exploring these family belief structures and the role they play in present decision making can be an aid to overcoming communication impasses. Even if the role of the mediator is to help individuals think about the future. Commitments to the past are not always useful particularly when negotiating with someone who may be committed to other oppositional emotional and rational beliefs. Differentiation and its related processes are useful for both mediators and clients. Acknowledging that spousal differences based on family of origin practices may not help to forge a path to the future.
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