An Autoethnography of a 23-year-old student in Russia during the first year of war in Ukraine

Abstract

Aim: Beside its catastrophic consequences for Ukraine, the Russian aggression has had a major impact on Russian so-ciety. The article explores and reflects on the experience of a 23-year-old student in Russia during the first year of the war in Ukraine (2022) which elucidates the moral conflict of dealing with close relatives who hold a different political view on the conflict. The first author uses autoethnography to describe the lived experience of navigating the nuances of daily life, grappling with propaganda, and conflicting feelings toward close relatives. In particular, the author is questioning how one must act in times of peril and moral demise.Methods: We employed autoethnographic collaborative research to explore the first author’s narrative stemming from her personal experience of being a citizen of a country that inflicted a war on another country. The examination of the narrative was conducted collaboratively with another researcher (DS) to enhance comprehension regarding how personal context interacts with social, political, and cultural factors.Results: The presented story is the first author’s exploration and attempt to position herself in morally challenging situ-ations, while also considering the everyday elements of the war, including the silencing effects of political oppression, propaganda, political censorship, and wartime atrocities. Within this consideration, the first author reflects on the Russian aggression on Ukraine and its implications through the lens of her own experience with propaganda, all while learning to cope with a moral injury inflicted by the closest member of the family.Conclusion: The Russian political system has major conse-quences for young adults’ ability to uphold a normal life. Exposure to propaganda and fake news presents a constant threat of destroying the fine fabric of interpersonal relation-ships and imposing moral injury by the inability to act be-cause of an oppressive political system.