Blue Lights, and: Faces Cate Marvin (bio) Blue Lights The night classes pour into asphalt lotsthat soon empty of their engines,the students seeming to dissolve like raindrops,the students seeming now to have been a hallucination that buzzed angrily for hours beneath fluorescent litceilings at poems like hands that refused to be heldor glittered their eyes at the kisses placed bypoems on their palms, longing for the vantage of multiple choice answers over these overturesof beauty and malignance. And the questionnot just once but again, again, What is it?They are all gone, the poems and their students, have left me to wander into this mist settlingacross the soft lawns this nether time of night,to walk solitary toward my car's lone smudge beneaththe morose lumens cast from corners of campus that have at them stationed lighted poles thatglow a chlorine blue, designated lightning rods for fear,bedecked with alarm buttons to run to forpressing, to send sirens out to saviors. When did these lighted poles appear, their beaconsutterly unreachable? Even spied from behindthe windshield, one apprehends a great distancebetween their stars and the bus stop's canopy, beneath which hooded students smoke onlyto disappear into the damp exhaustion of the night.Which is always when the deer appear, ornamentthemselves upon the lawns, frozen in mist, [End Page 81] taking on the stance of the startled, now startlinglypale, the four before me equidistant, and onetipping the pitcher of her head as if to pour the grassa drink or, considered upside down, suckle the milk from soil or nurse the grass's dew. My bag of booksthrown over my back like a bag of bones, my bagof poems a bag of stones, crushes my shoulderas I wade in mist toward the car, and the deer, who watch me as I watch them, seem a dream'sdecision to find me far outside the room I sleep in.They are an astonishment I do not wish to analyze.And I am certain if I move too quickly they will, spooked, run from me, or I am scared that if I do not run from themthey will stampede the meagerness that is me.The buck tumbling before my headlights.The scrimp of lawn in the mouth of the doe. [End Page 82] Faces I'm just like the rest of you, a run-out pen. Or like you,with the paper bag hat, waiting outside the library to get in. It's about to open, we stand facing the glassdoors at three minutes to ten. I can barely stand it. Like a tree, I'm dying from the inside, shooting leavestoward the light and making out like I'll be around for a long time to come. Only now my heaviest branchdrops, splintering its huge, damp shard on the drive, causing everyone to sigh their gladness that no onewas standing on that very spot, as if anyone would ever happen to be standing beneath me, waiting forme to do something. It's my doing nothing you come to trust. But mine is an acrimonious relationship withtime. It feels like a wool sweater, or like the damp squeezed out of a sweater, or like a sweater, period.Clamped in the damp, ministering the body through doorways, shielding the points of elbows from knivesof furniture corners. This is a dangerous world. Even though I keep spooling out the gradual yo-yo of myshadow along the walk with the tenderness a snail invokes as it peers, gentle out of its shell, you know itcould freeze at any minute, all the ice that drips from my eyes to the concrete, tears striking countenanceslike shards hit glass doors, like hail, like exclamation points from the sky or eyes: I see you! Coming aroundthat corner, smile like a knife, ready to steal my life. [End Page 83] Cate Marvin Cate Marvin's fourth book of poems, Event Horizon, is forthcoming from Copper Canyon Press in 2022. She teaches English at the College of Staten...