The construct of inclusion of other in the self has been established as one of the most influential measures for relationship closeness in romantic relationships. It is regularly associated with relational well-being, sexual satisfaction, as well as mental health. However, the degree of closeness one desires in the present relationship is person-specific and can differ from the closeness one actually experiences. Exploring these discrepancies, the present study focused on the association between not enough closeness and too much closeness and relationship characteristics, parenting, and extradyadic sexual activity. Data from a population-based sample of 3,161 men and women from the German Health and Sexuality Survey were analyzed using structural equation modeling. Our results confirm closeness discrepancies as prevalent relationship phenomena, while identifying feelings of not enough closeness as much more problematic for the relationship.
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