Dispersing metal-organic framework (MOF) solids in stable colloids is crucial for their availability and processibility. Herein, we report a crown ether surface coordination approach for functionalizing the surface-exposed metal sites of MOF particles with amphiphilic carboxylated crown ether (CEC). The surface-bound crown ethers significantly improve MOF solvation without compromising the accessible voids. We demonstrate that CEC-coated MOFs exhibit exceptional colloidal dispersibility and stability in 11 distinct solvents and six polymer matrices with a wide range of polarities. The MOF-CEC can be instantaneously suspended in immiscible two-phase solvents as an effective phase-transfer catalyst and can form various uniform membranes with enhanced adsorption and separation performance, illustrating the effectiveness of crown ether coating.