Lysine acylations are ubiquitous and structurally diverse post-translational modifications that vastly expand the functional heterogeneity of the human proteome. Hence, the targeted acylation of lysine residues has emerged as a strategic approach to exert biomimetic control over the protein function. However, existing strategies for targeted lysine acylation in cells often rely on genetic intervention, recruitment of endogenous acylation machinery, or nonspecific acylating agents and lack methods to quantify the magnitude of specific acylations on a global level. In this study, we develop activity-based acylome profiling (ABAP), a chemoproteomic strategy that exploits elaborate N-(cyanomethyl)-N-(phenylsulfonyl)amides and lysine-centric probes for site-specific introduction and proteome-wide mapping of posttranslational lysine acylations in human cells. Harnessing this framework, we quantify various artificial acylations and rediscover numerous endogenous lysine acylations. We validate site-specific acetylation of target lysines and establish a structure-activity relationship for N-(cyanomethyl)-N-(phenylsulfonyl)amides in proteins from diverse structural and functional classes. We identify paralog-selective chemical probes that acetylate conserved lysines within interferon-stimulated antiviral RNA-binding proteins, generating de novo proteoforms with obstructed RNA interactions. We further demonstrate that targeted acetylation of a key enzyme in retinoid metabolism engenders a proteoform with a conformational change in the protein structure, leading to a gain-of-function phenotype and reduced drug potency. These findings underscore the versatility of our strategy in biomimetic control over protein function through targeted delivery and global profiling of endogenous and artificial lysine acylations, potentially advancing therapeutic modalities and our understanding of biological processes orchestrated by these post-translational modifications.