Plumbago Andrew Porter (bio) When nothing else would grow, we planted plumbago along the wood retaining wall at the far end of our yard. This was the summer we moved in, when we were both still in our early thirties, our children still young. It was our first summer in San Antonio, our first summer in Texas, and we weren't quite prepared for the heat, for the stifling temperatures, the draught, the stillness and the thickness of the air. Nobody planted anything in the summer, we were told later, not unless it was a cactus or a succulent or some type of drought-resistant desert plant, but out there in the full sun of our backyard that new plumbago thrived, its blue flox-like flowers cascading over the retaining wall in a waterfall of foliage. At night, we'd often sit outside on the brick patio and stare at it, as the sun descended behind the tall fence separating our yard from our neighbor's. We'd lost a baby that winter, and the only thing that seemed to numb the pain was alcohol, large amounts of it, and so we'd drink tall pitchers of margaritas and stare out at the retaining wall, the beautiful plumbago blossoming and thriving against all odds, and we'd try to think of other things, or at least we'd try not to think about the one thing that always seemed to float between us in some unspoken way, we'd try to believe that we had made the right choice by moving to Texas, by starting over, we'd try to convince ourselves that we were blessed because we still had two children, two very healthy and beautiful children, and we'd tell ourselves that our other child, our daughter, who we had foolishly named, as if tempting fate, our daughter who had been canceled out, subtracted, stolen, we'd try to tell ourselves that she was still with us somewhere, and then we'd try not to see her everywhere, but of course she was everywhere that summer, that summer of starting over, she was in the thick still air, the windless quiet heat, she was there in the fences and the grass and the trees, and in the burgeoning plumbago, so full of life, so intensely blue, you almost couldn't believe it was real. [End Page 16] Andrew Porter Andrew Porter is the author of the short story collection The Theory of Light and Matter (Vintage/Penguin Random House), the novel In Between Days (Alfred A. Knopf), and the short story collection The Disappeared (forthcoming from Knopf in 2022). His short stories have appeared in The Pushcart Prize anthology, Ploughshares, One Story, The Southern Review, The Threepenny Review, Prairie Schooner, and on NPR's Selected Shorts. Currently, he teaches fiction writing and directs the Creative Writing Program at Trinity University in San Antonio. Copyright © 2021 Pleiades and Pleiades Press
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