You Say Seduction and I Say Coercion: The Gray Areas of Consent

Abstract

#MeToo, although freeing women (and men) to report harassment and abuse, mostly without the fear of retribution, has resulted in significant confusion and disorientation for people entering romantic or sexual relationships. A common thread in many reports of harassment and abuse is that a male “harasser” viewed the encounter as “consensual” and a female “victim” insists she was coerced. If one were to conceptualize a continuum of encounters from rape on the one end to sex that is mutually and joyously engaged in by both parties at the other the focus of this discussion is the “in-between” or gray areas. Gender differences, sexual fantasy, “spectatoring,” and other dissociative experiences in sexual encounters all contribute to the confusion. Consent may ultimately be about people giving themselves the right to “consent”; that is, to think, in the moment about whether a sexual encounter is something they want/desire, and the permission to call it off if they find it is not.