Abstract
McGoldrick and Carter (2001) observe that interventions in a differentiation‐based approach such as detriangling are often counterintuitive. In an attempt to understand the counterintuitive nature of a differentiation‐based approach, I draw on Schnarch and others to reflect on the nature of paradox, integrity and differentiation. I discuss implications for work with a couple after violence, and I conclude that differentiation can be understood as a personal, social, or even master virtue. The paper moves backwards and forwards between a case example, and reflections on theory.
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