Women's Sex Talk and Men's Sex Talk: Different Worlds

Abstract

Communication in heterosexual encounters is often problematic, particularly front the perspective of the woman involved. In examining what renders such communication problematic, this article argues that both hegemonic discourses and particular interpersonal contexts need to be taken into account. Communication and negotiation take place in the intersubjective realm, the space where human beings make sense of their experience. An analysis of memories and accounts provided by groups of men and of women shows how the shared meanings which emerge within such encounters (occasioned meanings) are produced with reference to the dominant discourses. Since these discourses are designed to articulate men's interests, the question of gendered intersubjectivity is particularly salient. Intersubjectivity and negotiation are seen to be related in complex ways. Examples are given of occasions when intersubjectivity is either lacking or incomplete, and it is shown that the male sex drive discourse is one which is then often drawn upon in determining what takes place. This is particularly so for the sexually inexperienced, and thus from a feminist perspective a new discourse of heterosexuality becomes essential.