When the Violence Stops: Different Relationships and Different Forms of Violence in the Family

Abstract

Physical and emotional violence is prevalent in couple and family relationships (Office for National Statistics UK in Chapter 4—Intimate personal violence and partner abuse, 2014) There are many well-established books on how to assess for the risk of future violence in families and on how to intervene therapeutically to help family members stop the violence, including the book by one of the present authors (Hamel and Nicholls in Family interventions in domestic violence: a handbook of gender-inclusive theory and treatment. Springer, New York, 2006; Hamel in Gender-inclusive treatment of intimate partner abuse: a comprehensive approach. Springer, New York, NY, 2005; Cooper and Vetere in Domestic violence and family safety: a systemic approach to working with violence in families. Whurr Publishers, London, UK, 2005). However, less is written on how to help couples and families once the violence has stopped. Many couples and families wish to stay together following the cessation of violent behaviour. Facing the legacy of violence, and often inter-generational violence and trauma, is both challenging and complex- for family members and for therapists. This book focuses on working therapeutically after the aftermath of violence in the family- at dealing with unresolved loss, trauma responses, with affect regulation concerns, and supporting coping and receiving and giving compassionate care. It also addresses professional –focused issues like supervision and consultation with practitioners who intervene with families and trauma. Finally we also take a look at policy-making, specifically prevention and early intervention with violence and abuse in relationships. In this first chapter, we start by looking at different forms of family relationships and different forms of violence in these relationships. We bring together current theory and literature not only on intimate partner violence but also on violence between siblings, and violence by children on their parents. We use clinical anecdotes and research in the area to illustrate some of the complex family dynamics that family members live with and that health and social care professionals have to contend with, and when working with families after the violence has stopped. (DeVoe and Smith in J Interpers Violence 17(10):1075–1101, 2002); Mullender et al. in Children’s perspectives on domestic violence. SAGE Publications, London, UK, 2002; Perel and Peled in Violence Against Women 14(4):457–482, 2008; Sammut Scerri in Living with contradictions of love and violence: a grounded theory study of women’s understanding of their childhood experiences of domestic violence (Doctoral dissertation). University of Surrey, Guildford, United Kingdom, 2015)