When and for whom is sex most beneficial? Sexual motivation in romantic relationships.

Abstract

Physics is like sex: Sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it.-Richard FeynmanPeople engage in sex for a variety of reasons-for physical pleasure, to express love, to feel desired, or to please a partner (Cooper, Talley, Sheldon, Levitt, & Barber, 2008; Meston & Buss, 2007)-and as Richard Feynman's quote suggests the reasons why we do something matters. In the context of a romantic relationship, greater sexual frequency and sexual satisfaction are important for overall relationship quality (Byers, 2005; Muise, Schimmack, & Impett, 2016e; Sprecher, 2002), but theory and research on sexual motivation-or a person's reasons or goals for having sex- suggest that not all sexual experiences are similarly satisfying and why a person engages in sex is important for their experience of desire and satisfaction (Impett, Strachman, Finkel, & Gable, 2008; Muise, Impett, & Desmarais, 2013a). In the current review, I outline the importance of sex for the quality of romantic relationships and the simultaneous challenge of maintaining desire and satisfaction over time in relationships. I then draw on theory and research on sexual motivation in (primarily heterosexual) relationships (Cooper et al., 2008; Gable & Impett, 2012; Muise, Impett, Desmarais, & Kogan, 2013b) to inform when sex is most beneficial and when it might detract from satisfaction and to provide insight into who is more likely to maintain desire and satisfaction over time.Sexuality in Romantic RelationshipsSexuality is a key factor that shapes the quality of romantic relationships (see reviews by Impett, Muise, & Peragine, 2014; Muise, Kim, McNulty, & Impett, 2016). Research has consistently demonstrated that people who are the most satisfied with their sex lives are also the most satisfied with their romantic relationships (e.g., Brezsnyak & Whisman, 2004; Byers, 2005; Impett et al., 2014; McNulty, Wenner, & Fisher, 2015; Sprecher, 2002). Despite the importance of sex for relationships, couples face numerous challenges to having and maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship. Sexual desire tends to peak in the beginning stages of a romantic relationship as partners are getting to know each other and intimacy is rapidly developing and then often declines over time as partners become more secure and comfortable in the relationship (Baumeister & Bratslavsky, 1999). As a result, many long-term couples lose their passion for each other and inevitably face situations in which partners' sexual interests differ. For example, one partner may be interested in having sex while the other partner is not in the mood (Davies, Katz, & Jackson, 1999; Mark, 2012; Mark & Murray, 2012). The importance of sex for the quality of relationships, coupled with the challenges that many couples face maintaining desire and satisfaction over the longer term, highlights the need to understand when sex is associated with benefits in relationships and when it might detract from satisfaction, as well as who is more likely to maintain desire and satisfaction over time. Indeed, although sexual desire tends to decline over the course of a relationship on average (Call, Spreacher, & Schwartz, 1995; Sims & Meana, 2010), desire does not decline for everyone (Acevedo & Aron, 2009) and not everyone experiences accompanying declines in relationship satisfaction (Sims & Meana, 2010). Even for the many romantic partners who experience discrepancies in sexual desire, some are able to navigate these differences with greater success and maintain satisfaction even in the face of sexual disagreements.The close connection between sexual and relationship satisfaction means that good sex is one powerful mechanism for enhancing relationships. When couples can successfully navigate sexual issues and maintain a strong sexual connection over the course of their relationships, feelings of satisfaction in the relationship can be strengthened (Rehman et al. …