Abstract
NOTE: To the charge that these speculations lack supporting data, the author, an irascible fifty-year-old Professor of English, pleads innocent by reason of sanity, for no sane man would spend time doing research on the behavior of academic officials when he could be studying Don Quixote or Huckleberry Finn. To the charge that in view of the subjects they deal with these speculations are shockingly lacking in profanity, he pleads, like Spiro Agnew, nolo contendere.
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