“We Are with Family”: Black Lesbian Couples Negotiate Rituals with Extended Families

Abstract

This qualitative work explores Black lesbian couples’ experiences with rituals and how the negotiation of these events is predetermined by rules and foundational expectations of families of origin and extended families. Symbolic interaction and Black feminist theories guided the theoretical understanding of the study, while grounded theory methodology was utilized for the data analysis. Eleven couples (22 individuals) from the Southeastern and Midwestern regions of the United States participated in this research. Participants discussed attending and/or creating three distinct types of rituals: (1) family of origin and extended family rituals (e.g., holiday gatherings or family reunions), (2) couples’ daily or common rituals (e.g., housewarming parties or family dinners), and (3) couples’ wedding or commitment ceremonies. While feeling a sense of belonging in extended family rituals, based on racial identity and connection to family, participants also concurrently de-sexualized their current relationship when taking part in extended family rituals. Couples’ daily rituals supported current family experiences and identity. Commitment ceremonies served as the one ritual when partners openly expressed and celebrated their relationship and their lesbian identities as couples and families. The findings indicated that Black lesbian couples negotiated and redefined their roles depending on the type of ritual they attended or created.