“We are in the Battlefield”: "Bereaved Mothers and Widows: Navigating Multigenerational Conflicts.

Abstract

Although the loss of a close family member affects the family relationship, most studies have focused on the coping of individuals with the loss and only a minority have examined the family system and the mutual influence of family members on their adjustment to loss. Less is known about the intergenerational relations in the context of loss. The aim of this article is to discusses conflicts in the relationships between Israeli widows and bereaved mothers after the death of their husband and son. Methods: Semi-structured in-depth interviews were conducted with two groups of participants: ten bereaved mothers and ten widows (from different bereaved families) whose sons or spouses died while serving in the Israeli military, the police, or the security forces. The data were analyzed using thematic analysis. Results: The following conflictual issues were identified: (1) Fighting over the memory of the deceased; (2) Tensions around the relationship with the children/grandchildren; and (3) Offensive communication patterns. Discussion: These conflicts are discussed in the Israeli context. The grieving rituals and the honor bestowed upon soldiers and other members of the security forces and their families have paradoxically served to silence the issue. At the same time, the findings and the literature suggest an urgent need for professional intervention to help the families avoid disconnection, aggression and even violence in those vulnerable relationships and maintain them after the loss.