Unspoken, yet understood: Exploring how couples communicate their exclusivity agreements

Abstract

Although monogamy (i.e., romantic and/or sexual exclusivity) remains the most common arrangement for romantic partnerships, there is little research exploring how couples communicate about exclusivity to one another. The current study assessed the ways in which couples discuss and negotiate exclusivity agreements, and whether those agreements change over time. Participants were 573 North American adults (mean age = 28.86 years; 52% identified as female) in romantic relationships who completed an online survey asking them to describe their current exclusivity agreements using both structured and open-ended survey questions. Open-ended data were subjected to inductive content analysis, and eight primary themes were identified. Although most (91%) indicated that they have an agreement to remain romantically and sexually exclusive in their relationships, only 43% reported coming to the agreement during an explicit conversation with their partner. More often (52%) the agreements were described as implied, meaning they had never actually been discussed. Of those with exclusivity agreements, 87% reported no change to their agreement throughout the relationship. Implications are discussed in terms of the value of direct communication between partners about exclusivity and infidelity.