Abstract
ABSTRACT After an incident at home leads to a ruptured tendon and forces me into immobility for four months – a period extended by the negligence and indifference of a starved medical system in Lebanon – I grow aware of the mirrored mental stagnation and disorientation that plagues the population as a result of desensitisation. In this autobiographical exploration, I delve into the distinction between physical and psychological stagnation. Foregrounding Lebanon’s infrastructure of dysfunction and absurdity, which lives on through a corrupt ruling class and a traumatised war generation, I bridge the already infinitesimal gap between family and state, drawing a lived picture of a fatherless collective that thrives on serial trauma, denial, and nostalgia. Finally, as I revisit a few of Lebanon’s past artistic expressions featuring the search for national identity, I suggest that this identity, which has perhaps always revolved around its lack thereof, both within and without the border, drives us yet again to search for meaning, no matter where we stand.
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