Abstract
Inspired by Samuel R Delany’s notion that cruising is a ‘positive unconscious of knowledge’, this article explores my relationship to cruising over the last twenty years in my work as both a creative and emotional methodology. Cruising has been integral in my own realisation and continued growth into a non-binary subjecthood as a body who has struggled with questions of passing both in queer, homosexual, and neutral spaces. I focus on non-binary subjectivity as an experience connected to the materiality of the body, hypocritical desire, the politics of taking up space, and the longing for un-gendering. This essay culminates in a recollection of a performance I presented at the 2019 Bergen Biennial in Norway, where I investigated the potential of hypocritical desire through dance and text, culminating in an erotic cruising scene between myself and The Shimmer, an invisible gas that destroys everything it comes in contact with.
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