“There’s no reason to do monogamy”: Evidence for and Characteristics Associated with a Strong Desire for Consensual Nonmonogamy

Abstract

IntroductionConsensual nonmonogamy (CNM) is a form of relationship practiced by many despite widespread stigma against it. In this study, we explore evidence of strong, persistent desire for CNM among some individuals, and look for commonalities among these individuals.MethodBetween February 2019 and June 2020, we conducted qualitative, semi-structured interviews with 51 US adults who had practiced CNM for between 3 and 50 years, recruited via community contacts and snowball method. Participants reported a broad diversity of sexual orientations and gender identities; 62.7% reported European/white ancestry. We conducted thematic analysis to examine evidence of strong, persistent desire for CNM and common characteristics and experiences among participants.ResultsWe describe 7 sub-themes that suggest a strong desire for CNM, such as pursuing CNM early in life, experiencing difficulties in attempts at monogamy, and describing one’s desire for CNM as enduring or unchangeable. We then describe 9 characteristics and experiences that were common among participants, such as a preference for autonomy, not experiencing categorical distinctions among relationships, desiring to make life plans with multiple adults, and exposure to communities whose norms do not assume monogamy.ConclusionsOur data indicate a pattern of desires, life choices, and self-perceptions suggesting that some individuals strongly desire and persistently pursue CNM (whereas others appear to be comfortable with both CNM and monogamy).Policy ImplicationsOur results suggest that some individuals consistently desire and pursue CNM relationships, and therefore would benefit from efforts toward destigmatization and reduction of institutional disadvantage against the practice of CNM.